Where is the hickey?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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