bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
