were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
