He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
