you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
