She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
