Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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