Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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