i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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