he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
