My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
