I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
