margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
