Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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