i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
