How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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