I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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