dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
