I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
