well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
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I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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