I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize