can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
