hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
