why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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