Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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