Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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