You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Are my feet made of real feet?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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