Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
