PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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