The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
