It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
