Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
