There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
