I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
