I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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