Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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