mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
