Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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