you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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