"it" just moved
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
