if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i think i just lost a toe
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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