So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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