my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
