Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
try to milk me bitch
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
