I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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