Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
