You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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