Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
