I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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