it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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