Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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