"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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