It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
