I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize