I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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