Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
