When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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