dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
