he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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