Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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