I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
