I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
