broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
