She said her name was "party"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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