Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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