I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
