Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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