I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
