I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Fuck appropriateness.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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