Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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