can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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