Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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