and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
